All posts tagged Advice

Wedding Guests You
Should Never Invite

Today I’m taking a break from the usual wedding decor/fashion chat for a small venting session.

There are no steadfast rules as to who you should and shouldn’t invite to your wedding, except this: If you have ANY doubt that the invitee will RSVP “yes” but then flake out and stand you up, don’t invite them. Yes, it’s a bit harsh. No, you will probably not regret it.

Wedding guests you should never invite {via Oh So Beautiful Paper}

“No shows” plague almost every wedding, and frankly, it’s just downright insulting.
Consider this a PSA: Wedding guests … if you RSVP’d “yes” to a wedding you MUST go.

Unless you’re sick, or your car broke down on the way to the wedding, or you just went into labor. Then you get a pass. Otherwise you’re just being a douche.

Why? Because weddings are expensive. Weddings are SO expensive that we have devoted an entire blog to ideas for how to plan weddings that AREN’T expensive. And you being “not in the mood to go” or “not wanting to drive that far” is literally costing the bride and groom (who are presumably your friends or family members) hundreds of dollars. What a nice wedding gift.

Even though I was married almost two years ago, this topic STILL makes me mad. We had an entire TABLE of people who RSVP’d “yes” but then didn’t show. When all was said and done, our budget wedding cost around $160 per person. Those 5 empty chairs cost us $800. Money of which NO ONE enjoyed.

We could have spent an extra three days on our honeymoon. We could have applied that money toward a downpayment on our first home. The point is … no one likes to waste money – especially if you have none.

So, next time you RSVP to a wedding make sure you actually go. Or if something comes up, just let the bride and groom know! No-shows happen, but it shouldn’t be inevitable.

What about you brides? Do you have any horrible RSVP stories? Did you have any strategies for who you did/didn’t invite? Let’s use this post as a chance to vent.

Happy Wednesday! XO, Allison

6 Most Common Wedding Budget Mistakes

It’s the most daunting part of wedding planning: Sticking to a budget. With expensive celebrity weddings and reality(ish) shows like My Fair Wedding, it’s no wonder brides feel stressed over planning their dream wedding while on a tight budget. Never fear! Avoid these common wedding budget mistakes and you’ll be riding the road to success … now to decide where to seat cranky Aunt Urma ….

6 Most Common Budget Wedding Mistakes

NOT HAVING A SPECIFIC BUDGET

This is HUGE. While some brides with rich Daddies can afford to make demands without even looking at the price tag, you are, after all, on our site … which means you’re probably not one of them. The NUMBER ONE mistake that brides make is not making a detailed, specific budget. You need to factor in EVERYTHING. Sit down and make a list of your wedding expenses line by line. Nothing is too small to include (leaving out $10 here and $20 there will add up fast!).

Once you have your expense list, separate each item into similar categories. Keeping your final budget in mind, designate a specific dollar amount you would like to spend on each category. When you’re finished all of your categories should add up to your total wedding budget. Now that you actually have a specific dollar amount to aim for, you will me much less likely to overspend — and making decisions will be so much easier! {image via Offbeat Bride}

SPENDING TOO MUCH ON YOUR VENUE

Choosing the right venue is so important to the overall feel and theme of your wedding. With that said, there are some venues that are ridiculously overpriced (like more than you would spend on a car — and you only get to use it for one night). Overspending on a venue is very common among budget brides because it is one of the FIRST major expenses you will encounter in wedding planning. Basically, you haven’t blown your whole wad yet, so it’s easier to say heck with it, and choose the venue you want instead of the venue you can afford. Fast forward 6 months from now and we have a very grumpy bride that is over budget.

STICK TO YOUR BUDGET. I repeat. STICK TO YOUR BUDGET. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you an awesome person who will live the rest of your life debt free by establishing good money habits early on. We recommend allocating 30-50 percent of your total budget for venue and catering costs (this includes food, drinks, alcohol, staffing, taxes and tips).

6 Most Common Wedding Budget Mistakes

ORDERING TOO MANY INVITATIONS

Remember that you only need to order one invitation per HOUSEHOLD, not per guest. This may seem like a small task, but even cheap wedding invitations can cost up to $3 a piece. Ordering just 25 less invitations can be a huge money saver! Once you decide on how many invitations you need, we recommend adding 5-10 extra for any last minute guests or to use as a keepsake. Also, don’t forget to include postage (for the invitation and the rsvp return envelope) in your budget! {Image via Chantal Andrea}

SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF

Let me just go on the record by saying that I am a GREAT budgeter. But unfortunately, I am HORRIBLE at sweating the small stuff. Even awesome budgeters like me can get into trouble when they’re caught up in the details. I ended up repurchasing all of my ribbon for my favors because I had two cream colors that didn’t match (this cost me an extra $50 that I didn’t have). I’d like to say I am detail oriented, but really, I was just sweating the small stuff. If you still don’t think you’ll be able to curb that OCD, just make sure to save all your receipts and return anything that you decided against. Even returning small $10 items will make a difference in the long run.

6 Most Common Wedding Budget Mistakes

FORGETTING ABOUT LAST MINUTE COSTS

This is where even the best budgeters can go wrong. Don’t forget to budget in every item up until the VERY END. I wish I could tell you exactly what to expect, but unfortunately the list would be different for everyone. For example, here are a few of the last minute expenses that I forgot to include that ended up making a HUGE dent in my budget:

  • Gas for shuttling family to and from the airport
  • Food for feeding said family
  • Extra utilities that said family used while staying at my house
  • Booze for said family that stayed at my house (and extra for me, to deal with it)
  • Kennel costs for boarding pets while on honeymoon
  • Postage for thank you cards
  • Extra booze for the entire bridal party (for while we were getting ready)
  • Bar tab at the after party

Here’s a thought … if you want to save money on your wedding don’t be an alcoholic like me ;) . {Image via Style Me Pretty}

LIVING BEYOND YOUR MEANS

Ok, this is my time to offer a small reality check to the wedding industry (and fellow brides): Weddings do NOT have to be expensive to be awesome. You do NOT have to buy a Vera Wang to be beautiful, and you certainly do NOT have to go into debt just by getting married.

It’s all about choices. If food is important to you, spend a little more on some delightful fancy croissant sandwiches and less on your decorations. If music is your passion, hire a live band and skip the open bar. And when in doubt, invite less people. Even low-budget weddings can cost up to $200 a person — so make a few cuts and decide to leave your boss and your high school friends (that you havent seen in 10 years) off of the guest list.

But most of all, remember that your wedding — while arguably one of the best nights of your life — is still only ONE night of your life. The first two years of marriage are the hardest … wouldn’t you rather set up your marriage for success with peace of mind knowing you are debt free? Use these 6 tips and it is SO possible.

Tell me, what are you planning for your spectacular budget wedding? What are your favorite budget-saving tips? Let’s get the conversation started in the comment section below!

Best of MarryThis!:
A Collection of our Best DIYs, Free Printables & More!

Happy Monday friends! I thought we’d kick off this week with a roundup of our top 5 posts ever! This list was calculated based on a combination blog and Pinterest views! And our top post ever is …….. drum roll ……..

5 Reasons To Get Married When You're "Fat"

1. Five Reasons Why You Should Get Married When You’re Fat

A bit controversial, yes — but still a great read. I wrote from experience ladies! Read why I think trying to lose weight before your wedding is the worst idea ever.

'Be My Bridesmaid' Cupcake in a Jar with Free Printable!

2. “Be My Bridesmaid” Ombre Cupcake in a Jar with free printable

Surprise your bridesmaid-to-be with this fabulous ombre cupcake in a jar! I love this little gift because it’s SUPER adorable, affordable AND shows your friends how special they are to you without the added pressure of a large gift or gesture. I almost forgot the best part … our cute inkjet transfer “Will you be my bridesmaid” napkins! Your girlfriends will be so surprised to see their hidden message waiting for them!

Free Printable Wedding Planning Timeline

3. Wedding Planning Timeline free printable

Our timeline will take you through each wedding task (and when you should do them) from the day you get engaged all the way to the big day. We even made you a section to take notes just in case we left something out (the horror!). Just download, print and get checkin’!

Pick Your Poison Bachelorette Party Favors with free printable!

4. DIY “Pick Your Poison” Bachelorette Party Favors with free printable

Lets be honest, you’re NEVER going to wear that “one last ride for the bride” T-shirt again. This fun Pick Your Poison gift box filled with mini liquor bottles is the perfect gift for any bachelorette and her posse.

5. Five Things Your Budget Wedding Doesn’t Need

Budget weddings require a bit of extra time and smart planning, but it is SO possible to throw a beautiful wedding and still have enough money left over to … um, eat … or whatever. Here’s a list of the top five things your budget wedding doesn’t need. Also make sure to check out our 5 Things Your Budget Wedding Can’t Go Without.

Tell me, what are YOUR favorite MarryThis! posts so far? Share in a comment below!

Happy Planning!

Go Go Gadget Interweb!:
Top 3 Sites to Help you Plan your Dream Wedding

These days wedding planning doesn’t have to be so hard. Can you imagine actually having to break out the PHONE BOOK to plan your wedding? And you have no idea how crappy each business is until you visit each one in person? Now THAT must have been rough. Nowadays you can tell how legit a business is just from their website (Hint: If they use Comic Sans, RUN!)

With new wedding websites popping up everyday and apps up the wazoo, here are our top three websites to save you time and money while wedding planning.

Top 3 sites to help you plan your dream wedding

COLOURlovers

Color geeks beware, you will spend HOURS on this site. COLOURlovers is an online community for colorphiles. Browse hundreds of thousands of color palettes using search terms like “wedding,” “afternoon,” “bride,” or “cheerful.” This site is perfect for helping brides decide on a wedding color scheme, flower combinations or bridesmaid dresses. Print out your favorite schemes and take them with you when you’re out shopping! Check out our own COLOURlovers profile for a few original MarryThis color schemes! (Click here to see the rich purple palette featured in our photo.)

Top 3 sites to help plan your dream wedding

Pinterest

It goes without saying that Pinterest is probably the best tool EVER invented for wedding planning. It’s pathetic how much time I spend on Pinterest … seriously. In case you’re new to the scene, Pinterest is an image sharing site that allows you to save and organize all the beautiful things you find on the web. Arrange your pins into separate inspiration boards like “bridesmaid dresses,” “cakes,” or “centerpieces.” Pinterest is the absolute BEST way to mix and match wedding images from your favorite blogs. Visit the MarryThis Pinterest profile for all the latest and greatest in weddings!

Top 3 sites to help you plan your dream wedding

Urban Barn

The Urban Barn Room Planner is a relatively new craze. It’s an interactive room planner that allows you to arrange and place furniture within a space. Enter custom dimensions of your floor plan and arrange your heart out (plus, it’s to scale)! While this tool is primarily used for interior design, it is also the BEST way to arrange the layout of your ceremony or reception venue! After you’ve found the perfect floor plan, print it out to give to your day of coordinator for seating assignments. Win win!

What are your favorite wedding planning websites?

Happy Planning!

5 Things Your Budget Wedding Can’t Go Without

In sequel to 5 Things Your Budget Wedding Doesn’t Need, today we explore those important items that every budget wedding absolutely can’t go without. I know that there are those of us that either must, or prefer to, plan weddings on a dirt cheap budget … but as with most services, you usually get what you pay for, and unfortunately cheap isn’t always best. Here’s a list of the top five things your budget wedding just CAN’T go without.

5 Things Your Budget Wedding Can't Go Without via Del Sol Photography

A Great Photographer

This is HUGE. The only thing keeping you from forgetting your entire wedding after a fast-paced evening that eventually ends in a drunken stupor are your wedding photos. Book your photographer well in advance, as most wedding photographers worth their salt will be swamped from May to October. Make sure to look at a photographers wedding portfolio before booking and NEVER be tempted by photographers who will work for free (or at a discounted rate) so they can “build their portfolio.” I’m all for giving newbies a chance (I was a young freelancer once, too) but your wedding day will only happen ONCE. There are no do overs, and the smallest rookie mistake could leave you with no way to remember your big day. If you’ve got to scrimp and save in other areas of your wedding to hire a professional photographer, it is well worth it.

Day of Coordinator

Now this might be a bit hard to swallow for the non-delegaters of the world. I don’t judge, I’m one of them. You want to make sure everything is done right, and the only way to do that is to do it all yourself, right? Wrong. Every bride needs a day of coordinator to act as a director for the day. Day of coordinators will communicate and collaborate with your vendors, make sure everything is set up correctly, keep your bridal party on a timeline, tear down the event, and even bring you a glass of champagne when you get pre-ceremony jitters (and tell you when you’re boob is about to pop out of your dress … er, not that I know from experience or anything).

By the end of the night my coordinator was my best friend because there was absolutely NO WAY I could have set up the reception AND gotten myself ready (I did my own makeup) in one morning. No freakin’ way. Even with a team of 15 I couldn’t have done it. Check with local wedding planning agencies to see how much they charge for “day of” services. I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at how cheap it really is for the amount of work they do. Mine DOC was $600, including 3 planning meetings beforehand to finalize details. Best $600 I have ever spent. Brides’ stress levels are over the top, and in my opinion, anything thing that helps de-stress is worth every penny.

5 Things Your Budget Wedding Can't Go Without via 100 Layer Cake

A Killer Seating Arrangement

I’ve harped about this many times before, but it’s worth saying again: You are probably the only one at your wedding that actually knows every guest. Seating arrangements can literally make or break a wedding. Put like personalities together. If you have a few shy relatives, perhaps you can add a loud boisterous friend to cut the tension. If you’re having elderly guests make sure to place them as far from the DJ’s speakers as possible … I could go on and on. Most importantly, don’t wait until the last minute to finalize your seating arrangement. This is where most brides go wrong — they spend too much time agonizing over the flowers in their centerpieces instead of thinking about the actual people who will be looking at them!

Ice breakers can be a great way to give your wedding guests that extra nudge to get to know each other a little better. Think of fun games or activities to engage your guests. Perhaps you can leave trivia cards at each table about the bride and groom, and the table that gets the highest score at the end of the night wins a prize? Or go a little simpler and use our Icebreaker Place Cards to introduce each guest.

5 Things Your Budget Wedding Can't Go Withoutvia Style Me Pretty

Cake (or some kind of dessert)

Even for a brunch wedding or a hors d’oeuvres only reception, everyone expects dessert. And if your guests are anything like me, they will be looking forward to it! Never fear, there are still many ways to make your wedding cake budget friendly. Did you know that even reasonable non-fancy wedding cakes can range up to $5 per PERSON? That’s just craziness.

Talk with your baker about preparing a small decorative cake for the cake cutting ceremony, and order sheet cakes for the rest of the guests that are to be sliced in the kitchen and brought out all at once. This will be better on your pocketbook AND your guests won’t have to wait in line while someone else slices your cake (I wish I had done this). OR if you’re feeling even more thrifty, bake the cake yourself! We’ve got a great Streusel Coffee Cake recipe that would be perfect for a brunch wedding.

Alone Time

Above all, this is what I wish I had more of at my own wedding. My hubby and I only had about 10 minutes alone after our ceremony (while we signed the marriage licence), and I swear to you, other than our first dance, I don’t think I said two words to him for the rest of the night. He had his people to attend to, I had mine, and our paths never crossed. I still look back on my day with fondness, but if I could do it all over again I would have cut the guest list in half and clung to my hubby like a crazy stalker woman. Make sure to carve some time out of your busy schedule to actually appreciate the person you are dedicating your love to.

Above all, don’t forget to really reflect on what matters the most on your big day. Worrying about anything else is just sweating the small stuff.

What do you think is most important in wedding planning? Let’s get the discussion rolling in the comment section below! 

Happy planning!

Ask MarryThis!:
Umm, I don’t dance, mmkay?

No dance wedding activitiesFailblog.org

Today we tackle a lesser-known wedding issue — a bride that doesn’t dance. While personally, I’m a dance fiend, I TOTALLY get it. Can you imagine if your least favorite thing to do was just EXPECTED at your wedding? What if every wedding involved public speaking, or entertaining your annoying estranged sister or fake smiling at your boss? Oh wait … minus the sister, I did ALL of those things at my wedding! Hmmmmm.

Anywhooo, this month’s question is from the lovely Jess Livezey who is currently in the midst of her own wedding planning that you can read all about here.

Dear MarryThis!,
     “The only time I’ve ever danced unchoreographed was on my 21st birthday, and that’s only because I had some liquid courage.  [My mom] said that people come to a wedding and expect to dance, which is fine, but I really want to find a way to get everyone to have a good time and mingle without a dance floor being the only option. I’ve seen ideas with board games and such, but I worry that it would isolate different groups — do you have any (budget friendly) suggestions?  I just don’t want to spend 2+ hours dodging requests to shake my groove thang!”
     - Jess

No dance wedding activitiesSara Gray Photography

Dear Jess,

You have such lucky wedding guests! There is usually a significant portion of people at weddings who aren’t big on dancing either, so preparing separate activities will be a big relief to you AND your peeps! Here are a few non-dancing ideas:

Those who cant do, teach.

For those non-groovy guests, why not consider hosting a short dance lesson before the official dancing starts? We did this at my wedding and it was a huge hit! We hired a few dancers from a local studio to come for an hour and teach 3 different box-steps. This worked particularly well at our wedding because we played 1940s music all night, and most people under 30 don’t know how to actually dance without shaking their booty. (Not that I’m against a good booty dance.)

A dance lesson will put everyone on the same level, and will give your non-dancing guests a pass on feeling goofy since everyone is learning at the same time.

Bunco.

Still too much dancing? Try finding a game that has no player limit. I LOVE bunco. Bunco is a dice game that can have 4 people or 400. The BEST part is that you have to change partners every round, so this game would also be a great icebreaker for your guests to get to know each other a little better. All you need are dice, tables and chairs (and maybe a few small prizes for the winners)! How cheap is that? Here’s a great video tutorial on how to play. Bunco is a very high-paced, exciting game — the faster you roll, the more points you get, so there’s no time for awkward small talk.

No dance wedding activities Rich Reed

Dinner and a show.

Giving your guests extra stuff to watch will also ease the pressure to dance. Look into hiring a local comedian or a non-cheesy magician to go around and do a few small tricks for each table (the kids would LOVE this).

Do you have any loud, outgoing friends? (I DO!) One word: karaoke. Only a few people actually like to sing, but EVERYONE likes to watch — it’s like ‘America’s Got Talent’ up in here!

Get back to the basics.

When you boil everything down, it’s really good energy and conversation that turns a good wedding into a great one. Don’t forget the importance of a well-planned seating arrangement. You are the only one who knows each and every guest, so use your best judgement and put like personalities together. Even with additional activities, think of your seating arrangement as the foundation of your party.

Well, readers? Do you have any awesome non-dancing activities? Let’s leave more ideas for Jess in the comments below! I hope this helps, Jess! Thanks so much for your question, and thanks for reading!

XO, Allison

Are you having a wedding crisis? I’m here to help! Send your questions to allison@marrythis.com!

5 Reasons Why You Should Get Married When You’re Fat

Before you jump over your internet connection and pummel me — hear me out. I don’t mean “fat” as in, “You are fat.” I mean “fat” as in YOUR PERSONAL version of fat. For some that means the extra five pounds you gained over winter. For others “fat” is when you can’t fit into your favorite jeans anymore – or – when you finally reach the bottom of your Costco barrel of cheese puffs.

The bottom line is: I don’t think you’re fat — but you probably do. 

If this resonates with you, then read on. If not, please disregard everything I am about to say. Which is … trying to lose weight before your wedding is the worst idea ever, and here’s why:

5 Reasons Why You Should Get Married When You're Fat

1. THE STRESS
In case you hadn’t heard, wedding planning can be a bit stressful. Like, pee-on-a-stick-because-your-period-is-late-and-it’s-either-due-to-pregnancy-or-stress, stress. (Trust me, this can happen.) Adding more stress to your life is not a good idea at this time, and losing weight the healthy way takes a lot of extra patience, time and effort. If working out relaxes you, then by all means, do it! But don’t kill yourself in the gym just because if you don’t lose 10 pounds your maid of honor will be thinner than you. Stay healthy — not crazy.

2. THE DRESS
Some brides have an instant “love connection” with their dress. They’ve had it picked out for years, they dream about it, they take long moon-lit walks on the beach hand-in-sleeve with their dress. But then there’s brides like me. I didn’t experience any of those things. I picked a dress that I liked, that looked good on me, and then I thought “if this looks good now, it will look even BETTER when I lose ten pounds.” Then when the seamstress asked me if the dress was too snug (which it was), I said no. Oh. Dear. Lord. How. Foolish. I. Was.

Granted, the dress still looked good — from the front. But after 3 fittings, 4 pounds of last minute stress weight GAIN and a bottle of champagne (to dull the pain, obviously), my zipper popped about 30 minutes before the ceremony. If it wasn’t for one of my amazing bridesmaids (who sewed me into my dress) I would have had to get married in a Gwar t-shirt. Your dress needs you to be consistent. If you weigh 160 on the day of your last fitting, you need to make sure you weigh the same on your wedding day (plus or minus a couple).

3. THE MAN
Congratulations! You found an amazing man who wants to keep you around for the rest of his life! And he loves you at the size you are RIGHT NOW. Weight can be a very touchy subject in both healthy and not-so-healthy relationships, and this is not the time to pepper him with questions about what he “really” thinks about your body (is there EVER a time for that?). He’s going to marry you whether you spend an extra hour on the treadmill or not.

4. THE DEADLINE
If you don’t listen to anything I say, please hear me on this … trying to lose weight when there’s a deadline (your wedding day) can be VERY dangerous both mentally and physically. Some argue that using deadlines can be motivating, and it can. But these “weight checkpoint” deadlines don’t have hundreds of man hours and thousands, or tens of thousands, of dollars riding on them. The door for rash actions and dangerous habits can be opened when a bride has invested so much physical and mental energy into dieting and exercise, but hasn’t reached her goal — and only has 2 weeks left. You’re mental health is far more important than any wedding dress. Even a Vera Wang.

5. THE REBOUND
Whether in the form of a honeymoon or extra days off of work, in most cases a period of relaxation follows a wedding. And relaxing doesn’t usually involve avoiding your favorite foods like the plague or throwing in an extra Zumba class everyday. What does this mean? It means you should pack extra clothes in the size you were when you got engaged, because weight lost quickly is also weight gained quickly. This isn’t inevitable, but it does happen.

Oh, and one other thing — have you ever noticed how a bride ALWAYS looks beautiful? Seriously. Every. Single. Time. It’s because she found a partner that she loves so much she is willing to stand up and declare it in front of all the most important people in her life (and even a few cranky great-aunts). It is not because she weighs 120 pounds.

With all this said, I am not a doctor and am in no way condoning ignoring a healthy diet and exercise while you are in the midst of wedding planning. But, please take it from me, focus on your health NOT your weight and you will have an amazing wedding day.

xo, Allison

We sure had a great week here at MarryThis! Here’s a summary of this week’s highlights:

Why Pinterest Saves Bloggers Like Me
Thousands in Therapy

You know, normally I don’t post on Saturdays, but I just feel soooo damn good today that I couldn’t resist. And it’s all because of Pinterest. A web entity that seems like it was plucked from heaven as a gift specifically for the visual-thinkers and graphic designers of the world. It’s like my porn. If I could stash it under my mattress for shame that my parents would find out, I would. I love it THAT much.

Because here’s the thing: It’s hard to start a blog. The beginning is rough. You’re still finding your voice, trying to decide what makes you different from the other BAZILLION blogs out there. In the beginning you have nothing but passion and an extra non-paying, full-time job to show for it. You dream of being able to make a living by blogging about what you love. MarryThis is only a year old, a lil’ babe.

And yet there are already haters, copy cats and non-believers. And the only people who really believe that you could make a living blogging is yourself, a handful of close friends, a family who is already genetically pre-determined to believe in you, and the most gorgeous man to walk this earth, my husband. And I like to start sentences with “And.” Get over it.

Stay with me, I’m coming full circle here …

Why Pinterest Saves Bloggers Thousands in Therapy

Then you wake up on a beautiful Saturday morning with a long to-do list of awesome DIYs and printables and you think to yourself, “Maybe I should just quit and have normal weekends like the rest of the non-bloggers.” And then, in your agitated state, you log on to Pinterest and what is waiting for you? A list of beautiful little re-pins about how awesome your blog is.

Did you know that you can search to see what people have pinned from your site? And did you know that they ALWAYS say nice things about those pins? And did you know that I will save thousands on therapy just because of the confidence boost that I get from Pinterest?

I know that after a few hours of time-wasting with bad reality TV and a chocolate Costco muffin the size of my hand, I would have eventually gotten over that feeling of “just quit.” I love MarryThis! too much to leave it behind. But nevertheless, today I want to pay a little gratitude to Pinterest, and and even MORE gratitude to Karley Wyss, who practically pinned every single one of our free printables, and left kind little comments on each one of them. My particular favorite being, “These (cake pops) are supposed to be for St. Patty’s but they could also be used for school colors … you can even change the initials, well done MarryThis!, well done.”

Confidence restored. More ass-kicking blogging to come.

Ask MarryThis!: Momzillas

moms and weddings

This month’s advice focuses on the woman that gave birth to us …

My mother is driving me crazy with wedding planning! I’m a very low-key bride but my mom is the total opposite. She’s a momzilla, calling me several times a week, sending me links to wedding articles, even texting me photos of “ideas” she has for floral arrangements and centerpieces. As an added bonus, my mom doesn’t exactly have my taste. While I want a casual, laid-back wedding, my mom is more into a high-glamour, girly theme. To make it worse, my parents are paying for the wedding, so I can’t help but feel vulnerable to her demands. I love my mom, but how do I get her to back off without ruining the relationship? – Libby of Nashville, Texas

Allison: Ok, I’m about to be THAT girl, so bear with me a second. First things first, give your nosy Mom a big ol’ daughterly bear hug and put an extra squeeze in there for me too, because many brides (I was one of them) don’t get the luxury of having their mom with them at their wedding. What a wonderful time this is for you! You have a fabulous partner who wants to spend the rest of their life with you, you get to throw a beautiful wedding with financial help, AND your mother is so excited for you she just can’t slow her roll. First world problems, sister. (End guilt trip.)

With that said, I do know how important it is for a bride to feel like she is attending her own wedding and not her mother’s. It sounds like you two are butting heads conceptually. Planning a wedding is hard and new ideas aren’t always welcome during this “brainstorming phase.” Tell your mom that you’ve got it covered, and you’ll let her know when she is needed. And you WILL need her. Believe me, when there’s only three weeks until your wedding and all you need are solid workhorses, Mom will be there stuffing bazillions of favors (that YOU picked out) and smiling the whole time.

Sara: I come from a family of strong women, so I totally understand your dilemma. When I got married, my mom wanted to be very involved too. Take her out to lunch, and let her know the overall style you have in mind for your wedding. Show her an inspiration board so she can see what you’re going for in a visual way. Then, be very specific on the things that are helpful to you and those that aren’t. Maybe once a week, set aside time to work on wedding planning with mom and let her know that during the rest of the week, you need to focus on work and her texts stress you out. She’s your mom — she’ll get it, just remember to be kind. She just wants to be part of your big day!

Amy: Moms love you and always mean the best when they do the things they do. However, when they are off track, it can be hell. There’s a few options here – you can be the strong-willed adult daughter who stands up to your mom and gets all bridezilla at her, declaring to her that, “It’s my day and I get to make the decisions!” but that probably won’t get you far and strain the relationship. It’s best to be upfront but gentle to your mom. Tell her that you love her help and ideas, but that you also want to put in some of your personality and style into your day. Perhaps compromise and let her decide certain items for the wedding, such as the flowers or centerpieces while you concentrate on one part that you really want, like the dress or the food. Family matters are always tricky especially when money is involved, but hopefully you have a strong enough relationship that you can be honest and straight-forward even when the situation is uncomfortable.

What the MarryThis! team is thinking about this month…

Allison: House hunting, herb gardens, German Chocolate Cake Bars

Sara: My trip to London next month, cherry blossoms and Zappos’ new wedding shop

Amy: Chicago’s warm record-breaking temperatures, fresh-smelling candles and spinach smoothies (don’t knock them until you try them!)

Horrible future mother-in-law? Not sure what budget-friendly means for a city wedding? Tell us your problems and we’ll do our best to come up with a solution. Three minds are better than one, right? Ask MarryThis! is a monthly feature, so send your questions to amy@marrythis.com.

Ask MarryThis!:
The Work Dilemma

engagement, ask marrythis!

Some of us love our coworkers like family. And others of us … not so much. But when you spend at least eight hours a day with people, some personal news is bound to get out. Enter February’s Ask MarryThis! question about workplace wedding news.

I recently got engaged. And while I’m elated to share this news with my family and friends, I’m a little less happy to share this news with my coworkers. One, I hate being the center of attention and two, I don’t want to reveal any details of the wedding since I’m sort of a private person. In the past, when one of my coworkers have gotten engaged, everyone makes a huge deal about it and seems to suck up to get an invitation. And it works! I’m so self-conscious about this situation that I haven’t worn my ring at work nor have I told any of my close work friends. I know I can’t hide this news forever but I totally feel like I want to hide under a rock. What should I do? – Anna of Dallas, Texas

Sara: I totally get that you’re a private person, but getting engaged is an exciting time! You don’t have to scream it from the rooftops, but you also shouldn’t keep it totally hidden. Put that stunner on your finger and wear it proudly — when your coworkers ask, tell them in a friendly way: “Yes! I’m engaged!” and leave it at that. You’re entitled to your privacy, but having to hide something so exciting will cast a shadow over this exciting time in your life.

Amy: I’m definitely not a center-of-attention type of girl, so I feel your pain. However, I agree with Sara, it’s OK to wear your ring and be happy that you are engaged at work! If your co-workers are nosy about this new rock, be straightforward and honest. Just say thanks for the congratulations and move onto the next subject. And if your co-workers are getting pushy for an invite, just say that the wedding is small or that it’s just for family and friends. And if they are crazy pushy, you could also get all bridezilla on them, but that might make for an awkward next day…

Allison: To me, it sounds like you’re more worried about saying “no” than boasting about your good news. I spent many years fearing the dreaded “no” and allowed myself to be taken advantage of many times because of it. Stand your ground, girl! “No” does not have to be mean. You can definitely achieve truth from a safe distance with friends and coworkers. One of my favorite quotes on this topic (from Oprah, of course): “Love someone enough to tell them the truth, and respect them enough to know they can handle it.” Now go put that gorgeous rock on your finger and accept those warm fuzzies from your co-workers proudly! And if and when they start fishing for an invitation you’ll know the perfect thing to say … the truth. :)

What the MarryThis! team is thinking about this month…

Sara: Escaping winter weather on a beach somewhere warm, The Language of Flowers (OMG, so good!), Emoji

Amy:  The Black Keys (yes, I came to the bandwagon way later than everyone else), Serious Eats Chicago and Pret A Manger

Allison: Hi Hat Cupcakes, annual Valentine’s Day fondue dinner with my husband, house hunting preparation (what do I even WANT in a house?)

Horrible future mother-in-law? Not sure what budget-friendly means for a city wedding? Tell us your problems and we’ll do our best to come up with a solution. Three minds are better than one, right? Ask MarryThis! is a monthly feature, so send your questions to amy@marrythis.com.

Trend: Wedding Flash Sales

Wedding flash sales

Wedding flash sales

OK, you’re getting married. And you’re a savvy budget bride — I mean, you read MarryThis!, after all — but sometimes you need to splurge. You need some swoon-worthy wedding shoes or the gown of your dreams (and it’s WAAAY out of your price range). Enter one of my favorite features of this great thing we call the Internet — the flash sale. You’ve probably seen them for home decor, accessories and clothes. But you can score some great wedding deals, too!

Here are some of our favorite spots to find some smashing deals:

The Aisle New York: All bridal flash sales, all the time — this classy go-to will give you loads of designer options in the wedding world.

Gilt: Gilt Groupe was one of the original sample sale havens, and lucky for those to-be-wed, they have a bridal event featuring gowns, accessories and lingerie every few months. Get on their email list so you know when the next one starts.

Moda Operandi: Their occasional bridal events will get you, but it’s the amazing jewelry (and the site’s cool illustrations) that will keep you coming back all the time. Some of those baubles would make great bridesmaid gifts!

Jetsetter: Don’t forgot the honeymoon! This travel sale site (from Gilt) offers luxurious, honeymoon-worthy destinations, hotels and trips at a hefty discount. Recommend friends and get a $100 travel credit that you can use toward your getaway.

100 Layer Cake Pop-Up Shop: Brought to you by the incredible ladies behind the 100 Layer Cake blog, this pop-up shop goes beyond fashion and accessories. You can find your invitations, book your photographer and score other loot for your wedding at a discount. Just act fast. As with all of these, they’re usually over in a flash.

Month 2 Timeline To-dos:
It’s time to make decisions

save the dates

Now that you’ve been engaged for more than a month, it’s time to get down to business. This second month of wedding planning is about making real plans and real decisions. Think of this month as laying the foundation for the big day. Here’s your to-dos for Month 2:

Ask your wedding party. Once he popped the question, you probably already knew which family and friends would stand up with you on your wedding day. So now is the time to ask your bridesmaids officially, so your girls can make their own plans accordingly, such as asking for time off work. Need some ideas to pop the question to your bridesmaids? We’ve got a few up our sleeves.

Book a venue. If you’ve followed our Month 1 timeline to-dos, you have narrowed down the dates and venues that fit your budget. Since popular venues book up quickly, reserve your date now and put down a deposit. Once you do that, breathe a huge sigh of relief. This is one of the more stressful decisions to make during the whole planning process.

Send out Save the Dates. Even if you don’t have your guest list finalized, send out the Save the Dates soon, especially to your out-of-town guests.

Search for a photographer. Just like a venue, good wedding photographers also book up quickly so start early. Begin your search by checking out photographers’ blogs or websites. A good rule of thumb: If you would hang a photographer’s portfolio on your wall right now, then call them up for an appointment. We give more tips on finding the perfect photographer in each of our free wedding guides.

Stay tuned next month for more timeline to-dos. Can’t wait? Check out our Freebie Friday timeline for a more extensive PDF that takes you from the engagement to the big day.

Ask MarryThis!: Who pays?

groom, wedding attire

To start the new year off right, our latest edition of Ask MarryThis! answers one of the big questions that people must deal with at restaurants and weddings – who pays?

I’m not engaged yet, but the relationship I am in is heading that way. And I’m worried about the wedding budget already. I come from a conservative Asian family who believes that my fiancé should pay for the wedding outright. And that’s just not realistic, nor do I want him to take the financial burden alone. What do I do? Should I slip him some of my own money and make it look like he’s paid for it himself? – Kitty of Chicago, Ill.

Amy: To be blunt, you are a grown-up and your fiancé is a grown-up. And sometimes, grown-ups need to make decisions that other people aka parents may not like. Let your parents gently know that it’s not realistic to make your fiancé pay for everything and that your marriage will be based on joint monetary contributions starting with the wedding. After all, down the road, it’s not going to be just him that’s buying a house, paying for kids’ college tuition or saving for retirement.

If you’d like your parents to contribute, negotiate. Say that your fiancé will take care of certain items, such as the wedding reception but not the bridal party attire, or the flowers but not the photography.  Also, be honest and open if you are contributing money for the wedding. Be proud of it. The bottom line is you are an adult and your parents should respect you for making decisions like an adult.

Sara: These are the moments when you realize what all that “Bridezilla” talk is about, right? Tricky family situations are usually par for the course with a wedding. I think that a deep breath, a glass of wine and a reality check might be really helpful here.

Talk to your parents honestly (and not in a combative way) about why this is important to you. If your life together is about the contributions you both make (whether that’s money, housework, etc.) then it just makes more sense for you to be contributing to the wedding. Being honest with your parents about that will most likely make it clear to them why you’re not comfortable placing the entire burden on your fiancé. In the end, you’re their daughter and I’m sure your happiness and comfort level is important to them. If they still don’t get it, then I’m with Amy: You’ve got to make the decisions that work for your own life.

Allison: It’s no secret that wedding budgets can be super stressful. A wedding can be a huge burden on any 20-something or 30-something’s budget. I think the best way to go about this situation is transparency. Go to your family outright and ask if they will contribute. If not, maybe they can help in another way, like buying the cake or your dress. Contributing your own money could be a great solution. After all, it’s your day, too.

It’s not necessary to tell your family whether or not your future husband paid for the entire wedding himself (whether you contribute or not). If they want to know where the money is coming from politely tell them that it is taken care of. In the end, remember that your wedding doesn’t have to be expensive to be fabulous! Keep reading MarryThis! for awesome budget ideas. We know your soon-to-be-wedding will be amazing!

What the MarryThis! team is thinking about this month…

Amy: dinner clubs, Kindle books and Sherlock

Sara: Alt Summit, photobooths and comfort food

Allison: unpacking, Pinterest and backyard chickens

Horrible future mother-in-law? Not sure what budget-friendly means for a city wedding? Tell us your problems and we’ll do our best to come up with a solution. Three minds are better than one, right? Ask MarryThis! is a monthly feature, so send your questions to amy@marrythis.com.

Trend: Popping the question to your bridesmaid

bridesmaids

She is your standing weekend brunch and shopping date. She’s the friend who held your hair back when you got sick aka “having too many margaritas.” She’s the first person you called when you met him and who you called immediately after you said yes.

So your future bridesmaid deserves some extra thoughtfulness when you request her presence next to you at the altar. Although she’d be perfectly happy if you just called and asked, playing up this special question will win you brownie points.

Here’s some fun ideas on how to ask your friend to be a bridesmaid:

  • Send her flowers at work or at home with a special card
  • Invite all of your bridesmaids to a meal and place a “will you?” card at their place setting
  • If your bridesmaid lives far away, send her a note with a framed photo with both of you together
  • Attach a tag that “pops” the question with a bottle of champagne

What other creative ideas have you seen for asking a bridesmaid?

Timeline to-dos:
You’re engaged! Now what?

Congratulations! You’ve got a nice big shiny ring on your finger and you’re basking in the post-engagement glow. Now what do you do? Do you rush to reserve a venue? Set a date? Look for dresses? Buy every wedding magazine possible? Hyperventilate because you’re overwhelmed with everything I just wrote?

Don’t fret, we’re here to help you. Wedding planning should be fun, not be one huge freak out fest. Each month at MarryThis!, we’ll tell you the big details to focus on to get your big day on track.

So now that you are engaged, here’s what you should do in the next few weeks:

Settle on your budget. Figure it out. Seriously. Talk about it with your fiancé and your families. Who is paying? How much? Money can be an uncomfortable subject to discuss, but do it. Trust us. Once you figure out a reasonable dollar amount, it will help make other wedding decisions easier.

Set a date. Are you a summer bride? Or perhaps you’ve always imagined a  fall ceremony? Choose one or two months in the season you desire and narrow down the day from there (often the date can depend on venue availability). Keep in mind that if you have a wedding in the off-peak season (between Jan.-March), you can save tons in vendors’ off-peak rates.

Research venues. Visit two or three venues that have different atmospheres. It could turn out that the barn-style venue that you thought you wanted wasn’t your cup of tea and you actually loved the modern lines of an urban loft. The more venues you see, the more you’ll figure out what type of wedding you desire.

Enjoy the moment. You’ve just said yes, so take in the congratulations from family and friends, and have fun. Celebrate this occasion, whether it’s throwing an engagement party, hosting a special dinner or just having some one-on-one time with your new fiancé. You have many months of planning ahead, so take pleasure in this down time.

Stay tuned next month for more timeline to-dos. Can’t wait? Check out our wedding guides for a more extensive timeline that takes you from the engagement to the big day.

Fun fact: Did you know that December is the most popular month to get engaged? Yup, we didn’t start this timeline series in January for no reason.

 
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